Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Revelation of the Day

We hide crouching behind an image of who we think we want to be, often times squashing genuine genius and creativity to fit the mold we have built for ourselves. I just realized that it is meant to be even better than we could have ever imagined. How we imagine ourselves to be "fully realized" is but a meagre, watered-down version of who we will be in reality.

Even in the best daydreams of dream jobs or utopian predicaments, so much 'creme' is missing; we see ourselves in the best possible outcome, true, but these images fall tragically flat. The stuff that truly inspires awe, that is, the wisdom accrued over years of suffering and painful lessons learned (the expansion of the heart, really), coupled with the manifestation of this wisdom is not present in our "when I grow up" fantasies. So there it is, folks, it really is better than you could ever imagine. The best possible version of you is still en route but it must be gently drawn out with the seasons.

Friday, September 25, 2009

a little more "bewildered" than usual

It's been awhile but I still want to try and feign some degree of faithfulness to this blog. I must say, I watched the movie Julie&Julia and gained an inordinate amount of insight on the power of sticking things out for the sake of keeping one's spirit alive in an otherwise disappointing situation.
Yes, I said disappointing! I have a bad case of the September blahs! Does anyone else experience this phenomenon? The only remedy I can figure is higher doses of Taylor Swift and cello music to account for the decrease in vitamin D.
I have many little theories floating around my head with regards to my feelings about September..maybe someday I will commit them to paper. But for now I wanted to commit something to paper.

Be blessed. If you are down, listen to some cello...I swear it helps!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Muse of Fashion: Do not worry me

A Letter I Received

"Am sending you this poem I wrote, with the possibility that it may serve as a stimulus to one of your conversations, especially regarding possibly dignity, or the human worth within, rather than without.
Thanking you if this may be of service." -LL




Muse of fashion: Do not worry me.

Your counsel brings me darkness and despair.

I would your wares were left behind me now

Safe in storage under lock and key.

I have no need for jewels within the hair

Or necklaces of pearl and pins of gold.

You offer me no fortune held in hand,

When in the other grief is what you bear.

You fooled me once when I was young and bold

And found in image scaffoldings of lace .

And built my dreams on owning rich brocades

Skirts of velvet, bodices of silk.

But in my life there was not found a trace,

Of smile, of sparkling eye, or lilt of voice;

But since I've learned to dress in cottons plain,

There is no shadow near the eye or face.

And I have found that simple can be choice,

Since I have been released from fashion's reign.


- L.L. , September 14th, 2000. (copyright)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Fashionably debate


Hmmm. I am a bit at a loss.

"There is a very fine line between the lofty love of the world and its art forms, and the quickening desire for a detached way of life. I would leave the house in a pair of clicking heels and a high-collared jacket to go to Mass and while there I would feel a pull to leave everything behind. My heart is inclined almost equally towards the adornment of the body and the adornment of the heart. Maybe these thoughts are completely common, but to me it seems that my heart will always be a battleground where genuine sanctity tries to find solace amid a restless recognition of gifts I am tempted to call my own".


I found these words I had written a couple of years ago and today they are painfully relevant. Life has a funny way of taking just enough turns to make you blush.


Is the celebration of modesty, immodest? Does purity of intention hold enough ground to waive this paradox for the sake of reclaiming fashion, and as a result, true femininity? I would love your feedback...




Wednesday, May 6, 2009

8 Days and counting!

Just a few days ago, I moved into a home with three other twenty-something women. Come September, besides myself, the house will empty only to become a Catholic women’s household (complete with prayer support and fellowship). For the summer, however, the demographics of the household though not random (nothing is random) are diverse… and not Catholic.

When I was first asked what I did for living, I felt the conversation ramping up to the “what do you do” question. I am not pleased with how I responded, but since it was the first day meeting all of them, I wanted to keep the conversation going instead of uttering a ‘show-stopper’. Maybe I am building it up to be more than it is, but hauling out the words “ I work for an NGO that is working towards making abortion illegal” doesn’t seem to go over well. Not only this. But I am learning something important in my old age, something requiring poise and discipline and lots of love – something called tact. Call me a sell-out.

As I sit here and reflect on how I could have gone about things differently, my old foe (legalism) is piping up but it is being soothed with the knowledge that if I am faithful to my convictions, they will come to know me and to know it all in a natural, contextual way instead of having me spew out the coarse version in the first few minutes. So I am resting a bit easier. Discernment must be pinnacle if we are to be pro-life. So is sincerity.

Next week, I am making my way to the National March for Life in Ottawa where I will be helping out with the logistics to ensure that the whole event runs smoothly. Like any other event where the attendance climbs towards 10, 000 people, it is difficult to maintain an ‘atmosphere’ throughout the March. Be that as it may, we are trying and I think it to be important that we do so.

This year is a particularly somber year as it marks 40 years of abortion on demand in our country. This represents a massive decline in our population due to the fact that many of our contemporaries never did get to see the light of day (on earth). The young people particularly, are a generation of survivors. For this reason, I think that the mood of the March should reflect this fact, though it seems irresistible that the high schoolers yell confrontational and sometimes condemnatory “pro-life” cheers. I urge all of you who may be reading this to reflect sincerely on the reason for your attendance. The sheer volume of people who will clog downtown Ottawa’s streets on May 14th will speak for itself. In flinging out cheers at passersby, we are alienating if not infuriating those who do not share our convictions and this is not the way to provoke conversion let alone reflection.

Today, I urge you to begin preparing for May 14th by praying for those who will attend the March. Let's make this a pivotal moment in Canadian history. See you in 8 days!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

National March for Life: T-9 days

In just nine days, thousands of Canadians will make their way en masse to Parliment Hill in the nation's capital for the 13th annual National March for Life.

The theme of this year's March, "Exodus: A Future Without Abortion" is fitting in that like the Isrealites making their way through the desert on a 40-year trek, we Canadians, too have been making our way through the spiritual desert. Many Canadians do not know that 40 years ago, Trudeau effectively enabled abortion on demand in all 9 months of pregnancy by striking down all the existing abortion-regulating laws.

Because of this sweeping gesture, one out of every three pregnancies ends in abortion.
(see National March for Life promo video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkyLgXe1AyM).

Keep checking back as the 13th annual March for Life draws near.
Also, be sure to check out LifeSiteNews.com for up-to-date reporting and coverage of the March.

Most importantly: continue to pray for conviction. Conviction not only for yourselves, but for all of those whose jobs demands them to face the incoming tides of the culture of death on a daily basis: in particular our Canadian bishops (at the time of this writing 11 Bishops have confirmed their attendance at the March for Life), our MPs and MPPs, and those in education and medicine. It is important to face darkness with great confidence while armed with humility and the armor that only faithful prayer can provide.

I look forward to seeing you all at the March for Life on May 14th!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Tulips, Candles, and Portuguese pastries

This doesn't exactly sound like Lent, I know. But set out to be austere, and watch the invitations to feast roll in. Lent, more than being a time for fasting is a time to put priorities in order.

"I desire mercy, not sacrifice."

It is easier to refuse a cherry-cheese danish than it is to sit down for a chat with someone who is lonely. In retrospect, it is easy to discern God's Will on this one but in the moment, ah! A bit different. I am sounding a bit fluffy now, so let me qualify. We take up fasting to avail ourselves to be put into order by God- to remind us of our weakness. Once we understand this, through mortification of the flesh, our hearts and minds become closer to being synched with that of Christ. True charity lies in being fully present to those around us.

My thoughts on this topic are disjointed but I feel that we must set out physical sacrifices to which we fully intend to be faithful. Then we must watch with great attention as God sanctifies our intentions. "I know that you wanted to do this for me, but in this moment of grace, why not do this?" We become hyperaware of the deviations to OUR plans as those of God find a home in our hearts. It is our hope that the two sets of thoughts become indistinguishable. This is the idea of Lent. A willful sycronization of two hearts.

So bring him comfort. Bring Him coffee. Rend your hearts not your garments.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Tu es Petrus

"Simon Peter said to him 'Lord, where are you going?' Jesus answered, 'Where I am going, you cannot follow me now; but you will follow afterward." Peter said to him, 'Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.' "
-Today's gospel according to John (John 13: 21-33, 36-38)

the longest winter

“Be creative in all things”- some recent advice given to me.

In order to follow more closely in the footsteps of the Master: find art in all things; in all things seek out an act of creation. Veni, Creator Spiritus!

Today is snowy. I almost allowed myself to become disappointed when I awoke as this morning represented the prolongation of what has been the longest winter of my life. I then remembered one sunny morning in early April two years ago. The sun was pouring in through the living room window of my Nova Scotia family home. It seemed inevitable that Spring has arrived. I was reading Anne of Green Gables and dreaming about wide-open fields and more carefree days. My father was facing me in his hospital bed with a far-off expression on his face.

“ I would like to see one more snow fall,” he said wistfully “just one more and then I can go home”. A few days later on April 7th. 2009, my father passed into eternity most gracefully. The snow flew as his soul flew to the Home of the Father.

Today when I awoke, I was disappointed with the snow.
This afternoon, I am blessing the snow.

Eternal Rest grant unto him O, Lord and may perpetual light shine upon him and may he rest in peace.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Nothing to Give

This is the best possible predicament. When we realize that we have "nothing to give", all is grace. Not that this isn't the case every waking moment, but somehow the conscious realization makes the whole surrender sacred.

I have nothing to give. All who think otherwise are fooling themselves. Happy Lent.

"You have no power that has not been given to you from above". -The Poor Nazarian on death row to Pilate

Thursday, February 19, 2009

When Free speech is Only Sometimes Free

Abortion as genocide not popular on Canadian campus


Whether one agrees or disagrees with comparing abortion to the Holocaust, Jose Ruba of The Canadian Centre for Bio-Ethical Reform (CCBR) has generated substantial media attention for his presentation entitled: “Echoes of the Holocaust”. On February 5, Ruba was met with hostile opposition at a talk he gave at spoke at St. Mary’s University in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

The event attracted the attention of pro-life and pro-abortion students alike; the latter of whom, instead of listening to Ruba’s presentation before voicing their own opinions (in a free speech kind of way), barged into the room within the first 5 minutes of the presentation yelling cheers like “my body my choice” whilst covering the projector and effectively removing all possibility for Ruba to continue with his presentation.

When the university security arrived at the scene, the protesters were momentarily silent but promptly resumed their shouting as Ruba displayed pictures from the Holocaust and a video of an abortion being carried out. With this, the security then shut down the event, forcing Ruba to continue with his presentation at a nearby Catholic church.

“What looks worse, shutting down a university-approved presentation or arresting people who are unlawfully disrupting that presentation?” asked Ruba, who, according to a National Campus Life Network news release, said he was appalled that the university gave into the mob rule. “St. Mary’s should be ashamed of itself for showing students that they need only scream when they don’t like something, rather than dialogue respectfully”.

Blogs are still buzzing, and letters to the editor are still flooding in; it seems everyone has something to say about the issue, pro-life and pro-choice titles aside. The day before Ruba’s presentation at St. Mary’s University, as if on cue, Barbara Kay of the National Post wrote an article entitled “Barbara Kay: Women deserve better than abortion” where she, while professing to be sensitive to the pro-life cause, criticized comparing abortion to the Holocaust.


Drawing upon the fact that throughout human history, “desperate circumstances [have prompted] desperate choices”, Kay outlines that “the circumstances in which we find ourselves at the moment of decision” must be considered in the appraisal of what is moral. With this ideology in mind, Kay compares the decision to abort one’s child as being akin to nomadic Inuit peoples of old having to make a difficult choice to leave one of their frail elders behind in an effort to survive a particularly harsh journey because the elder “might endanger the entire group”. Kay then goes on to compare abortion to a mother’s decision to suffocate her child during the Nazi occupation in order that she and her family not be discovered because of the cries of the infant.

But as Kay states in her article: “you cannot build an argument on an analogy alone. In any debate, emotional arousal must be subordinated to rational persuasion”. That is, of course if people will even listen to rational persuasion, which is, one can only hope Kay’s point in writing the article in question.
“Moreover,” Kay writes, “you are not only describing the action of abortion as evil [when comparing abortion to the Holocaust], you are implying that women, who abort, like Nazis, are evil people. There is neither truth nor dignity in accusing women of such moral turpitude”.
“Choose any factual perspective, you won’t find a single moral parallel between [abortion and the Holocaust] . And that is why it is not in your interest to pursue the [Genocide Awareness Project] campaign. Or in our mutual interest, because it stands in the way of an alliance between us.
To which Stephanie Gray, director of the CCBR and proponent of the Genocide Awareness Project, replies in a follow-up National Post piece:
“In Germany, Jews were deemed nonpersons. In Canada, so are the unborn. Jews were used for medical experiments. So are the unborn. Jews were labelled parasites, as are the unborn. Jews were killed in centres designed to terminate their lives. So, too with the unborn. Medical professionals were involved with killing Jews. Again, that is the case with the unborn. The Nazi philosophy was ‘lives unworthy of life’. The pro-abortion philosophy is ‘quality of life’”.
Gray goes on to say that Kay’s take on the angle adopted by the CCBR is to be expected. After all, Gray writes “Should Dr. King have ceased his tactics because people got angry? If not, why should pro-lifers change what they do simply because their opponents don't like it? That allows the other side to set the terms for debate, enabling them to talk about what they can defend ("choice"), rather than making them defend what they cannot (baby killing)”.

Friday, January 9, 2009

OUR LADY - SKYSCRAPER IN THE NIGHT

Our Lady like a hundred-story building
standing all alone alight, amid a deep dark night,
rises, terraced strong on steel, and towers tall
high-shaped and sheer to stop the pilgrim and enthrall,
with each ascending floor a pyramiding row
of golden-squares - taller yet than all - of light.
Down by her feet fair fountains mirror-play their waters
in her polished stone, while at her utmost height
great spotlights print her crown in a dazzling white.

A skyscraper Mary is, and wears her hundred-stories tall
like one long mist-like golden gown of light;
A Queen She is, glorious-tall, majestic in the night.

Albert Joseph Hebert, S.M.
Mary, Our Blessed Lady. New York: Exposition Press, 1970.

where have all the cowboys gone?

Throughout the past week I am alarmed at my own alarm resulting from the lack of regular access to the internet. I am fearful that I have forgotten how to be human and that it takes an awkward, slightly embarrassing amount of effort to do something native to the human condition. Like getting on a bike and riding it downtown; taking a walk alone in unknown territory; taking in a baseball game. Anything that is natural now takes an unnatural amount of planning while that which is not natural to the human condition (i.e. sitting and moving only one’s fingers for hours on end) is a reality for most.

I keep veering away from thinking too much about this because it makes me terribly nostalgic. No wonder I am content in complete immersion into the world of literature and fiction. Musty old books are breathing more than we; their pages leap with life while ours continue down the blandest route humanity has ever known, although, don’t worry, we do so oh-so-efficiently and at unforeseen speeds. Well, I always thought that if my death were to be quick it would be painless, but it is not so.
Pardon me while I answer a text message about nothing. At least it’s instant.