Wandering where the lions are

Maybe I take life too seriously but, for those who truly live, it can be exhausting! I don't really want to get into it (again) here but suffice it to say that in this life there is no shortage of opportunities where our integrity and commitment to intellectual honesty will be put to the test. If we have faith that what we believe is righteous and true, we should have no fear of dialogue, research and the earnest quest for knowledge and enlightenment (whether it be in the form of an ultrasound or otherwise). Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

It's been a long day.

Give us this day our daily....emotions.

Each day, we pray the Our Father asking God to "give us this day our daily bread". Yesterday, it hit me that we aren't asking "give us this day all the bread we need for the rest of our lives". No, we are saying "please, Lord, only give me enough for today." I was so struck by this because I realized that the term "bread" extends so much further than straight-forward nutrition (which, thank you Lord hasn't failed me yet). But, this part of the prayer also refers to our daily dose of compassion, emotions, worry...we are asking the Lord: please, restrict the influx of my to-do list. Don't let it hit me all at once. Or, Lord don't allow me to think about my own suffering more than I can bear today. Only my daily bread, please.

Coming from a family that is no stranger to emotional suffering in the form of anxiety and depression, this is an especially poignant thought. I am painfully aware of my own fragility and of God's great mercy. "Please allow enough pain only for one day, Lord. No more (and also no less) than you think I need". I think about how I wish I could "care more" about certain worldly events. Then I ask myself, why? Why do I desire to fill my head and heart to overflowing with concern and worry? Instead, I pray (now): Father, not my will, but Yours be done. You know what needs attending and what can be left for tomorrow. You know when my heart can't take worrying about that certain family member or that social issue anymore. Then comes the guilt that I'm not doing enough; I look around and everyone else is giving (apparently) much more generously than I. The Lord doles out gifts as He wills. We must be open to not letting the gifts stop at us; they must keep going. However, the gift has to be there in the first place. We cannot give what we do not have. Others might have it in abundance, we must give thanks when we see them with these gifts but our gaze must immediately shift back to the giver. We must not be tempted into an empty activism; an activism that is motivated more by our own desire to feel important than our genuine desire to be the person God has in mind. When we are busy being who we think we should be, we are missing out on the truth of who we are.  +++

But enough about me...

Our last portrait of Baby M- circa 23 wks?

Over-thinker that I can be, I've been, per usual, torn and tormented about "how much is too much" sharing on Facebook. While Kevin and I want to rejoice in this pregnancy, I feel that some things are too sacred to be paraded around in front of say, 743 "friends".

Just under 27 weeks.

So, for me, my blog represents a slightly less more personal outlet. I'll share a bit more here for the sake of any family or friends who care enough to sit through the musings and meditations of a pregnant lady. Sometimes it's the hormones talking, sometimes it's me, but I'll leave the deciphering up to you!

For those who are just tuning in, welcome! I may just be the only 6'5" pregnant lady you will ever know. Because of my rare medical condition, Acromegaly, I've been under close watch by a team of specialists. Come to find out I am faring exceptionally well. I've had no noticeable swelling in my hands, feet, facial features (these symptoms are usually a sure sign of elevated growth hormone) and baby M is growing at a perfect pace. I would say this is because of the prayer warriors we've got on our side. Thanks to all of you for praying and please keep it up! I've only started to think about labour throughout the past few weeks and I've been mildly frightened by some of the stories and books I've encountered. Only mildly! On the other hand, I truly believe that God allows exactly what we need. Plus, I'm a tough tall girl!