Give us this day our daily....emotions.

Each day, we pray the Our Father asking God to "give us this day our daily bread". Yesterday, it hit me that we aren't asking "give us this day all the bread we need for the rest of our lives". No, we are saying "please, Lord, only give me enough for today." I was so struck by this because I realized that the term "bread" extends so much further than straight-forward nutrition (which, thank you Lord hasn't failed me yet). But, this part of the prayer also refers to our daily dose of compassion, emotions, worry...we are asking the Lord: please, restrict the influx of my to-do list. Don't let it hit me all at once. Or, Lord don't allow me to think about my own suffering more than I can bear today. Only my daily bread, please.

Coming from a family that is no stranger to emotional suffering in the form of anxiety and depression, this is an especially poignant thought. I am painfully aware of my own fragility and of God's great mercy. "Please allow enough pain only for one day, Lord. No more (and also no less) than you think I need". I think about how I wish I could "care more" about certain worldly events. Then I ask myself, why? Why do I desire to fill my head and heart to overflowing with concern and worry? Instead, I pray (now): Father, not my will, but Yours be done. You know what needs attending and what can be left for tomorrow. You know when my heart can't take worrying about that certain family member or that social issue anymore. Then comes the guilt that I'm not doing enough; I look around and everyone else is giving (apparently) much more generously than I. The Lord doles out gifts as He wills. We must be open to not letting the gifts stop at us; they must keep going. However, the gift has to be there in the first place. We cannot give what we do not have. Others might have it in abundance, we must give thanks when we see them with these gifts but our gaze must immediately shift back to the giver. We must not be tempted into an empty activism; an activism that is motivated more by our own desire to feel important than our genuine desire to be the person God has in mind. When we are busy being who we think we should be, we are missing out on the truth of who we are.  +++