Blood

This is the stuff that keeps me alive.
I was getting bloodwork done this morning and as usual, I never have to wait the typical hour because all of my tests must be done at 9am. So I'm fortunate that way. As I was just slipping into the hot-seat with my health card and information, an older man that I used to work with came up to me to offer his condolences. I am a terrible multi-tasker, so I imagine that I appeared to be pre-occupied and not entirely friendly to this man. I managed to give him the one minute sign and motion that I would go find him in a minute to talk. After I had my 'golden tickets', I looked around and spotted the guy in the crowd of senior citizens -these people basically choose to come sit and wait in the morning for bloodwork, as opposed to waiting until later when the rush calms down.
I started talking to this man and within minutes we were into theology on a very everyday, human level. Let me just say-- wow what blessings my whole predicament has afforded me! I always yearn for substance in my everyday mundane conversations. It has ALWAYS seemed to me that so much time and energy is wasted with casual jabber and etiquette. Now, however, my conversations are so MEATY and thought-provoking that I reach for my journal after speaking to the mailman.
This man at the hospital started talking about how he wasted most of his life with alcohol ...and then he told me that it is only by the grace of God that he has the strength to never pick up another bottle. This is where I saw, once again, the naked reality of the human condition. It was like I was staring at my father as a skeleton all over again. We grin and bear it...my father did more than grin...I am left speechless at humanity's tendency to assume they are as powerful as they pretend to be. We have "no power that was not given to us from above". What made this man cry was not that he made his whole family suffer, but because he realizes that without God, that is who he is---a man who puts his own needs first. He cried because he recognized God's mercy and the second chance he had been given, with the full knowledge that he did not deserve it. THIS is unconditional love.
After this conversation, I went in to get 6 tubes taken... I have always kind of liked bloodwork..not sure why. The woman who took my blood commented on my height, ask the usual questions involving basketball and boyfriends etc. I then made some remark about perhaps not needing to worry about finding a ' tall husband'. She kind of just looked at me. I then started to tell her why I am contemplating joining a relgious order. I told her that I want to be the person I am created to be, I want to help people find out who they are created to be and I want to do the most good with what I have been given. For me, I believe that these desires do not ensure a normal job with a family and kids. There is obviously going to be some degree of sacrifice... but I am 100% certain that if I am doing God's work, the rewards will be much greater than I could ever imagine.
I couldn't believe the things that were coming out of my mouth. I felt like Dad. Instantly friends with everyone, immediately in their inner circle. If we let our guards down, the results are amazing. Sometimes I get caught in little ruts where I feel like sitting out, and turning off my emotions. I think we all get into that survival mode... because feeling all the time is exhausting. Then I think about all the fighters in the world. The people who effected change because they worked and ' felt' full time. I want to be one of these people.